You call that a knife? This is a knife

The other day, Thursday if you really must know I proved without doubt how totally pointless plastic knifes are. Yeah, I sat down for a lovely meal of jacket potato with salad, beans cheese AND coleslaw. I got about half way through the meal and put my plastic knife and fork down and drank some fine, fine orange Fanta and looked down at my plastic cutlery and much to my dismay found I had been cutting the food up with the handle-end of the knife and had been holding the 'sharp' end. [insert applause here]

Shoot The Fucker

I was at the Zoo the other day, and among the things I could be bothered to log in my mind, including the seemingly heavily sedated wolves and cheetah's Poke him, go on poke him and see if he playfully toys with your hand in his mouth and having a vulture almost decapitate my dad in an ariel display of how wonderful [read: Deadly] some birds are, was this little gem:

Little Innocent naive Kid: Mummy I'm bored, the Zoo is boring. The penguins aren't even moving

Not So Innocent and naive Mummy: Well, why don't we go shoot them?

L. I. N. K.: Yay!

-Sure, I'm pretty sure the woman was just making a joke at the expense of her innocent naive and probably stupid and illiterate child but, it made my day.

Bread For Brains

I was just researching MRI, and came accross it's full name [Magnetic Resonance Imaging ], and beside this I found the most hilarious way of describing how it works.

Think about a loaf of bread. You can’t see inside the loaf, so how would you go about finding out what’s in there? The simplest solution is to slice the bread and take a look; the thinner you slice the bread, the more of the bread you can see. And you can slice it many different ways; you can slice it the way you might to make a sandwich, or you can slice the entire top of the loaf off. Each of these slices gives you more information about what is inside the bread, and if you slice it enough times, you will know pretty much all there is to know about that loaf of bread That’s what an MRI does – it takes images of multiple slices and then can build an accurate 2-D or even 3-D image of the tissues in your body.

So now you know.

MRI

I had my MRI scan today, they brought it forward because I have been feeling unwell. I don't have a clue what MRI stands for or how it works but basically, they put something resembling that thing from 'the man in the iron mask' on your head, and slot you in this huge machine for 20 minutes and bombard you with loud noises [ear plugs provided thankfully], which I personally thought sounded like a thousand woodpeckers pecking at a thousand trees, amplified a thousand times. But it was fine really, I will get the results in a couple of weeks.

Dual View LCD

The next big thing? But how the fuck does it work? Surely the two sounds will converge?

Drama King

I know it was hot today, but a customer took it to the next level in the most over the top quote'age of the week:

"I was in Hughes in Swaffham today and it was like an iceberg, then I stepped outside it was like some kind of fire"

Well, did you combust? Did you?

I like to think that you and me are made from upholstery
all and soft and warm and worry free
our eyes are buttons and we cannot see
they filled us up with hope and love
and sent us on a mission to save the Earth
but we just came back all broken and burnt
this planet is a four letter world called hurt
But still we dance in the park
Our arms and legs are like clothes on the line
and they'll laugh and point but we'll smile
and everyones in denial.

Poem A. Redux.

Reflective drops of glycerin
fall onto your face
and melt your skin
the waters hot
you jump right in
crack and boil from the pressure within
an empty park full of sharks
nobody's going out or coming in
you have things to do
but you just sit still
from fear of seeing him
let the pone ring forever
Heart strings torn and severed
In a storm of violence you feel weathered
you will smile sweetly
for the photograph
as you're hypnotised
by the blinding flash.

werenotafraid

werenotafraid.com

.modnar elttil a gnileeF

Tears stream, down your face. When you loose something you cannot replace.

And he says "do you love me?" and she says "No, but that's a real nice ski mask".

Where are you, God?

Photo Whore

Subliminal MindFuck Amazonia

New from Amazon.co.uk

Dear Customer,

As someone who has bought similar titles, you might like to know that Killer 7 will be released soon on PS2 and GameCube. Order your copy from Amazon.co.uk by following the link below and save 25% on the RRP.

Clearly Mr Amazon you didn't think this one through. Has there ever in the history of video games been a similar title to Killer7? The game that lets you control Harlan Smith a wheelchair bound old geez that has 7 insane alter egos inside of him that become The Killer7, a group of deadly assassins. Visually the game is different to anything you have ever seen before, and movement in the first person is controlled in a completly different way to that of conventional fps's. No, Mr Amazon I am afraid I have never brought a game like this before, but look...whatever, your just trying to sell a few extra copies of this mini-masterpiece and tempting people with such delcious emails as this can't do any harm. So, to summarize go buy Killer 7.