Happy Christmas From King Shough

I hope everyone reading this [except you, you freak!] has a wonderful christmas full of joy and that you all get what you want. You won't hear from me again until the new year is upon us, so see you in 2005 may it be as legendary as it sounds. Ho ho fucking ho.

You Will Read DSB:3

Featuring such highlights as;

Taken From : Escape From the Planet of the Alex’s

Moe: Sir, an escape pod has just been launched!

Captain: Dear God! Who’s in it?

Moe: It appears to be one of our lab chimpanzees! Or a creature of inferior intelligence!

B6B: No...It's Son of Paul!

Michelle: So...a creature of inferior intelligence!

Taken From: The Evil One

R.O.B.E.: An unknown virus possibly a Trojan horse has entered my system sir, Probably something to do with Paul but I think this originated somewhere else!

B6B: Probably Jamaica or Peru or some other country that has become more and more obsolete in the last 1000 years!

Moe: I don't think Jamaicans know a lot about computers, or Peruvians!

B6B: It was only a joke! Remember? Jokes?

Taken From: The Lord of The Ring

The Phone Rings...

Alex: Hello?

Phone: You have seven years to live...

Alex: Seven years? Cool!

Phone: Sorry I meant seven days, the translation from Japanese is poor at best...

Alex: Nooooooooooooooooo!

Taken From: The Omen 4: Damien In Space

Priest Ed: Will you be joining us today in our house of love?

Moe: Ed? What's going on?

Priest Ed: I'm priest Ed! Another holographic version of the real Ed devised by Alex, engineered by the powers that be.

And From: God, The Devil And Paul

Alex: Don't lie Paul, Paul...born of a jackal destroyed our TV! I have it all on tape! I just sent it to that TV programme where they show hilarious exploits of people caught on tape, I bet Lisa Riley is laughing at it now while she enjoys a large vat of lard.

Updating Steam...

I'm slightly [note: massively] fed up with seeing this nearly every time I go on the net. I mean, I have completed Half-Life2 already, I don't need anymore updates okay? Maybe it's time to un-install...

Links

Little Britain Rules The British Comedy Awards 2004
Meet the Fockers and other new film releases
'Santy.a' and 'Google Hacking'-Which has possibly resulted in the current death of Johnblackbourn.com Via Reyhan.

Quiet Mountain [See what I did there?]

So, driving home today I thought I had been transported into the hellish nightmare world that is Silent Hill, why you say? Well, the insane fog of course! Oh and that mutant rabid zombie dog that tried to rip my arms off with it's teeth "nice doggy" "Nooooo! My arms arent scoobie snacks!" Or something.

If this site was porn it would be Hardcore

All earlies and no lates make Justin a dull/tired boy
All earlies and no lates make Justin a dull/tired boy
All earlies and no lates make Justin a dull/tired boy
All earlies and no lates make Justin a dull/tired boy

Firefox Rulz

A nice feature of Firefox that I discovered today is if/when you ever encounter a problem like a window crashing into the oblivion of hell or the like a little promt box appears asking whether you would like to report the fault to Moz[there's only one Z]illa [see crappy image above], although the likelihood is that the problem is with what you are trying to do [I was loading a java game]. Anyway I appreciate this and it's just one more thing that makes IE look like a pile of steaming crudola that Microsoft knocked out on a lazy friday afternoon.

EDIT: So, IE does this error report thing too. But you know what? I don't give a crap cos Firefox does it better.

Deep Space Beaver

Deep Space Beaver Episode Three is the last ever outing for the crew, and it ends with the most awe-inspiring laugh out loud twisted fucking brilliant epic cool amazing stories you will ever read in your entire lifearoonie. It features six individual stories two written by The Accountant and four by me of which one was an idea by Ed [although it was so long ago he may not remember coming up with it]. It even features a puppet featuring pantomime version of LIW which illustrates exactly how long ago it was written. If you do anything else today let it be reading this for this is history in the making, it's beavers in space...if nothing else it is the most original piece of fiction ever to grace this universe, apart from Harry Potter of course.

Deep Space Beaver

Deep Space Beaver Episode Three is the last ever outing for the crew, and it ends with the most awe-inspiring laugh out loud twisted fucking brilliant epic cool amazing stories you will ever read in your entire lifearoonie. It features six individual stories two written by The Accountant and four by me of which one was an idea by Ed [although it was so long ago he may not remember coming up with it]. It even features a puppet featuring pantomime version of LIW which illustrates exactly how long ago it was written. If you do anything else today let it be reading this for this is history in the making, it's beavers in space...if nothing else it is the most original piece of fiction ever to grace this universe, apart from Harry Potter of course.

The Shins: "Saint Simon"

After all these implements and text designed by intellects
So vexed to find evidently there's just so much that hides
And though the saints of us divine in ancient feeding lines
Their sentiment is just as hard to pluck from the vine

I'm trying hard not to pretend
Allow myself no mock defense
Step into the night

Since I dont have the time nor mind to figure out
The nursery rhymes that helped us out and make a sense of our lives
The cruel uneventful state of apathy releases me
I value them but I won't cry if the time was wiped out

I'm trying hard not to give in
Battened down to fair the wind
Read my head, at least pretend
Allow myself no mock defense
Step into the night...

Mercy's eyes are blue
When she places them in front of you
Nothing holds a roman candle to
The solemn warmth you feel inside

There's no measuring of it
As nothing else is love

I'll try hard not to give in
Battened down to fair the wind
Read my head, at least pretend
Allow myslef no mock defense
Step into the night...

Mercy's eyes are blue
When she places them in front of you
Nothing really holds a candle to
The solemn warmth you feel inside of you

T Shirt Hell

This site is where all the bad shirts go! It is full of T-shirts that will offend pretty much anyone you like and theres also some non-offensive ones, it features whores too which is nice. Check out my favorites [shirts not whores] below;

Santa
Reeve
Homeless
Dumb

It Burns!

I don't know about you but whenever I go directly from my site to The Factory my eyes burn like hell, going from the dark never-ending blackness of my site to the tangy orange and brilliant white of The Factory really does piss around my with vision, maybe I've just stared directly at the sun too much though, never mind.

A Meme Inspired By Johnblackbourn.com

This is King-Shough's A-Z of what I think you should be looking at on the net [porn not included]

A is for Amazon.co.uk

-Buying on the net made easy and cheap, also it's easy and cheap again.

B is for Blogger

-Get your thoughts on the web for free, even a fool could get to grips with this

C is for Chalked.net

-Lovely and pretty although slightly homosexual, it's the linkblog

D is for Dogpile.co.uk

-One of my favorite search engines

E is for eBay.co.uk

-For everything you can't get on Amazon.co.uk and more

F is For Flickr

-Still in Beta but who cares it's great for hosting your photos

G is for Google

-It's the daddy of search engines and more besides

H is for Hotmail

-It's functional, and msn messenger alone makes it worthwhile having an account

I is for Ign.com

-Games previews, reviews, cheats and faq's ign has it all

J is for Johnblackbourn

-Bon's Quality British Hypertext needs no introduction

K is for King-shough

-Who? Oh him, he's quite random...I don't know anything else that starts with 'k'

L is for Lemonysnicket

-"Attention: please run for your life" A funny, well-designed site.

M is for Mozzila

-Get Firefox 1.0!

N is for Neoseeker

-Technology and games and more.

O is for 02

-The leading mobile phone site on the web

P is for Popex [sort of]

-Anyone remember this? Nah. PopEx is a free music based share trading game.

Q is for Quirky.com

-See Jane Groove or something, I randomly stumbled upon this.

R is for Rockstar Games

-Publishers/developers of the epic Grand Theft Auto series and more

S is for Steam News

-News, from Steam. If you haven't got HL2 don't even bother.

T is for The Factory

-A Co-Production Joint-Venture Multi-Blog.

U is for Ubisoft

-Publishers of such great games as Prince Of Persia and Brothers In Arms

V is for vanpraagh [who?]

-Some bloke my dad is always going on about, come on it's 'V' for someone's sake!

W is for Wormfeeder.com

-As pointless and essential as oxygen

X is for Xmas Time

-I was scraping the metaphorical barrel with this Christmas search thingy

Y is for Yellow Pages [well not really, it's 'Y' for fucks sake]

-Yellow Pages made simple/complicated...it depends what way you look at it

Z is for Zach-Braff.com

-A site about Braff, basically.

Peer-to-peer goes legitimate

It's not just music that people are downloading in their millions now, with faster and faster connection speeds through broadband, movies and TV shows are the next target and although some people are being brought to justice this just isn't enough, new legal ways of downloading music and film are going to become more commonplace as the music and film industries try to combat their losses through theft. Read more about this topic here

I miss you more everyday, I hate you less since you went away
and I'm sorry that I let my feelings show, but pain like this won't go
my heart and soul have cracked in two and these days all I am is blue
and we've got a home on the border-line
we've got a kid who's 8 or 9, but she only knows me through your lies
the pain is so intense it makes cry, I get that burning feeling between my eyes
and it won't go away even though I pray you'll come back here and stay
and the Autumn leaves and the fires smoke, circle round my new found hope
and there's all these things I still don't know, the thoughts of me and you only show
there's still a long way to go.

The Shins

I recently took the advice of Zach "Scrubs" Braff and bought The Shins two albums (Oh inverted world and Chutes Too Narrow) and I can honestly say they are both brilliant, so take my advice and buy them or if your not convinced read on;



Bio from Allmusic.com

Albuquerque, NM's the Shins began in 1997 as the side project of singer/songwriter and guitarist James Mercer's primary band Flake. Mercer formed Flake in 1992 with drummer Jesse Sandoval, bassist Marty Crandall, and guitarist Neal Langford; they eventually changed their name to Flake Music, releasing several singles, a well-received album, When You Land Here, It's Time to Return, and touring with friends like Modest Mouse and Califone. Soon after the release of When You Land Here, Mercer and Sandoval formed the Shins as a change of pace, playing as a duo with Cibo Matto and American Analog Set. With Mercer as the Shins' primary songwriter, the group developed a more focused, crafted sound than Flake Music's charming, if somewhat rambling, collaboratory style. Crandall, as well as Dave Hernandez (Scared of Chaka, Broadcast Oblivion) filled out the Shins' lineup; however, Hernandez left after almost a year, due to a personal relationship in New York. By 1999, with Flake Music officially disbanded and Hernandez away from New Mexico, Langford also joined the Shins. With a couple of 7"s on Omnibus -- 1998's Nature Bears a Vacuum and 2000's When I Goose-Step -- under their belts, the group embarked on a tour with Modest Mouse. Sub Pop's Jonathan Poneman caught the San Francisco date of the tour and asked the Shins to contribute a single to the label's Single of the Month Club, which eventually became an offer to release the Shins' 2001 single, New Slang, and their debut album, Oh, Inverted World. The group spent the rest of the year touring with acts such as Preston School of Industry and Red House Painters. The release of singles such as "Know Yr Onion!" and "The Past and Pending" kept the Shins' success going into 2002, cementing Oh, Inverted World as one of the definitive indie-rock albums of the early '00s and the Shins as one of the style's definitive bands.

Relocated from Albuquerque to Portland, OR, Mercer and Sandoval (as well as Crandall working with the band from Aluquerque) lost Langford to his true passion, professional hot air ballooning. Dave Hernandez (at this point living in Seattle) rejoined The Shins in 2003. The band began tracking new material in James's basement that summer, and producer Phil Ek (Built to Spill, Modest Mouse....) was brought in to mix the album, in an effort to balance the home-recording method used on Oh Inverted World with a studio finish. Chutes Too Narrow was released by Sub Pop that Fall. Nonstop touring of everywhere from Australia to Norway, as well as the US countless times over, has contributed to the album exceeding everyone's, including the band's, expectations. Since its release Chutes Too Narrow has sold 250,000 copies, with Oh Inverted World at 200,000.

With all 4 original members now residing in Portland/Seattle, the band are focusing on new material, and will be touring through most of 2005.

If I was black and also a rapper:

Yo, my girlfriends wack and my friends are dope
My brains exploded from all this coke
People wanna laugh but it's no joke
Cos I'm MC Shough and I'm spitting rhymes like a pro. Word ya'll

(I don't know)

Garden State

Garden State is quite easily the best "Romantic Comedy" I have ever seen although this is mainly due to my general dislike of the genre. It's well written and directed and the acting throughout is spot on. Zach Braff has obvious talent and this is a fine place to start. It's full of quirky well developed characters and is full of great moments of comedy and emotion which is a fine line to tread but it pulls it off with ease. The music is nearly always spot on and will probably appeal to most people that go to see it. Natalie Portman is convincing as Sam the girl who suffers from epilepsy that Andrew Largeman [Braff] meets and grows attached to over the course of the film. Ian Holm is perhaps under-used as Largeman's Father but his presence in the film only serves to elevate it higher. Peter Sarsgaard is also great in his role of best friend to Largeman Mark and his presence alone keeps the film which is slow to start moving at a quick enough pace. Overall, personally I loved it and it exceeded my hype and expectations, go see it now fool.

Scrubs

For anyone that cares there is a rumor going about that Collin Farrell is due to appear in a forthcoming episode of 'Scrubs' and is said to be because of his friendship with lead man Braff. Joining him is the already confirmed Matthew Perry who is not only starring but directing as well, along with Heather Graham [see pic below] who is currently appearing in a run of episodes in America. Bring on the new season Sky I can't frickin' wait.

Under Blackpool Lights

Under Blackpool Lights is The White Stripes live at The Empress Ballroom Blackpool England January 2004. The dvd of the event is an excellent example of their brilliance when playing live and is host to 26 [yes 26!] fucking amazing songs from some of their very early work [first album The White Stripes] which I don't even have a copy of on cd to tracks off 2003's Elephant and some songs off White Blood Cells [Hotel Yorba possibly being my favorite]. Included in the package is a very 'arty' booklet which features a 'Set List Notes' with details including when they were written and released. The suitably epic Jolene which has been released recently as a single features half way through [originally released as the B-side to the Hello Operator picture-disc in 2000]. The only thing I initially disliked was the almost grainy appearance of certain camera shots although you soon warm to it as it suits the feel of the event perfectly. Worthwhile for long time fans and newbies alike as it's a great place to start. The White Stripes are music.

And The Winner Is...

Winner of the most hilarious name ever goes to Bill Kill who I served earlier today, oh the irony! Also I served someone with the surname Christmas and I was going to say "So, are you looking forward to your surname this year?" but I didn't.

A Tip

Here's a tip for anyone currently playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas [Although it applies to real life too] If you think you can take a samurai sword and cut a petrol stations fuel pump in half and have it not blow up in your face killing yourself and 100s of others you'd be wrong, I really don't know what I was trying to prove by doing this but there you go.

Tumble And Fall: By Feeder

Feeders new song is certainly downbeat and sombre but it still definitely rocks, it is the first single from new album Pushing The Senses and the lyrics are below.

All this for nothing, yeah yeah yeah
Praying and hoping, fooling yourself
You know that you can give love a reason
Give love a chance

We tumble and fall, together we crawl
Forever we'll be, tumble and fall

Heaven's above us, yeah yeah yeah
Living in solice, I give you it all
Just for a day, just for a second,
Just for the way

We tumble and fall, together we crawl
Forever we'll be, tumble and fall

Life's not the same, since that day you went away
I recall like the drops of summer rain that fell on me
Come back to me, come back to me, yeah yeah yeah [Repeat]

We tumble and fall, together we crawl
Forever we'll be, tumble and fall
Together we crawl, forever we'll be, tumble and fall

Yeah yeah yeah [Repeat].

Quote Of The Day

"Use this credit card, if that doesn't work try this one and if that doesn't work try this one or I have cash" -She had been maxing out all her credit cards in the build up to Christmas which she dubbed Christmas Credit Card Fatigue incidentally the second card went through just fine.

Amazon.co.uk and your christmas is done

I Have Been labeled

Forget my name Justin, forget the whole 'King Thing' too I have been labeled an Addisonian which is of course somebody that has Addison's Disease. Yesterday I stumble-surfed my way onto Adshg.org.uk which is a self help group for people with said disease. Strangely enough today the consultant I met with said he had found this great site I should take a look at, hilariously the site was the very same one [co-incidence??!?!?!]. After having a check over and a lengthy chat with the consultant and more tests [eye sight, blood etc.] he told me I am going to have to take another type of medicine everyday along with the one I have been taking already, I have to return from whence I came on Jan6 for more tests and possible treatment for my under active thyroid gland although this may not happen depending on the results of me taking the new medicine. Interestingly me along with just one other person is on 'da books' at the hospital with the disease, meaning of course it is highly rare. I could go into more detail but that would be excessively pointless, so see you hell :)

The Prince

Until today, I hadn't played a Prince Of Persia game since the original on my Amiga500+ The version in question is POP: Warrior Within on the PS2. There was of cause POP: The Sands Of Time also on PS2 last year but after playing a demo I decided I didn't like the combat too much although the puzzle elements and awe inspiring acrobatic style made my jaw drop. Now with POP: WW the combat has been much improved and visually the game is just as stunning as the previous game but now with a much darker tone. The best feature is still the ability to "mess with time" holding L1 too rewind time and stop yo' self falling off a cliff or getting cut in half is hugely satisfying, so to is slowing down and speeding time all of which you will need to implement into your gameplay to succeed. The only week part of the game is the awful guitar crap-rock and slightly naff voice acting although hearing the beautiful Monica Bellucci's voice in the game is always pleasant. [Click here for an interview with MB on being in the game] I really haven't seen enough of the game to give an un-biased score but lets just say 8/10 for now. Below is a screenshot showcasing the games sonic-fonic-tronic-super-great-onic grahics.

I Hate You Jethro

<--A picture of "Jethro" in a I'm the biggest cock in the world pose on a dvd of his. I cannot convey in words how much I despise this man and his so called comedy. Comedians are meant to be funny, yet I am so sure he will never make me laugh that I'm willing to bet my Nan on it, I sat through one of his shows via a video mum borrowed about a year ago and I still have the bitter memories lingering in my mind. There is no way anyone can possibly find him funny unless your stupid/retarded/blind/deaf or have a different sense of humor to me. I may even take my unquenchable rage out on him myself on a new reality TV show possibly called "Deathro", I'm just waiting for the go ahead from BBC bosses.

Garden State

The "Probably brilliant but I can't really say cos I haven't seen it yet but screw that brilliant" Garden State is out this friday.

To sum it up: Zach Braff from 'Scrubs' directs and stars in this hilarious and heartfelt comedy romance. When a depressed out-of-work actor suffers the loss of his mother, the event prompts him to reassess his life and lay his personal demons to rest.

Click here for the official site or here for the brilliant Blog Of Braff, either way you really can't go wrong. I just hope I haven't hyped the film way out of proportion

Randomly appearing text:"No, no you haven't...don't worry yourself"
Me: Fine, I won't randomly appearing text.

Point Of View

Tired, feeling angry and hated had to be sedated my mind is numb from all the pain
Empty feeling inside my far-reaching mind
Memories shaped like the pictures of you
When did time take away our youth?
Silence creeping into the room, where I just sit and wait for something to happen
When did lying become the truth?
People are so disappointed with you
Angry thoughts are fading as gentle screams escape me
What's the point of winning when I can't win you, victory and glory over-due
Done my time, what's there left to do?
Poison, my skin feels like it's melting, maybe decomposing and going back to you
Still I sit here waiting for something to happen, but I don't think it will...that's my point of view.

I Heart Huckasomethingorother

So, yesterday John/Bon/Billion/B6B/Blackbournaoonie asked me what the film I Heart Huckabees was about, although at the time I thought he said "I heart Huckleberries". Well, I still don't really know, although after having a 'butchers' on UCI.CO.UK I found a small thred of information;

It stares Dustin Hoffman, Jason Schwartzman and Jude Law, and is a comedy.

"An environmentalist poet becomes tormented with existential questions in this quirky comedy. Convinced that a series of coincidences hold some secret to life’s largest riddles, Albert Markovski consults a detective agency that leads him down a path that questions the essence of life itself."

So there you go.

GTA: SA

Five years ago Carl Johnson escaped from the pressures of life in Los Santos, San Andreas--a city tearing itself apart with gang trouble, drugs and corruption, where film stars and millionaires do their best to avoid the dealers and gangsters. Now, it's the early 90s. Carl's got to go home. His mother has been murdered, his family has fallen apart and his childhood friends are all heading towards disaster. On his return to the neighborhood, a couple of corrupt cops frame him for homicide. CJ is forced on a journey that takes him across the entire state of San Andreas, to save his family and to take control of the streets...

It will come as no surprise [well, maybe] to you to hear that GTA: SA is without doubt the greatest PS2 game ever, and as essential as a memory card and controller are. Rockstar and specifically Rockstar North have created the game to end all games, graphically it's on par with previous efforts as it basically uses the same engine, the beauty here is that you can drive where the fuck you like from one city, out to the country side to another city, out to the deserts and to like another frickin' city with no loading times what-so-ever which is impressive when you consider the size and scope of the whole darn thing. The sound is Dandy-wow-fantastico, with brilliant voice acting from many great people [Sam 'the dude' Jackson to name but one, playing as a bent cop]. The script/story and or missions are brilliant and would rival that of a film in terms of characters, events and depth. The physics engine has been re-worked meaning that driving cars, bikes, boats, planes, combine harvesters!?!?! Is more enjoyable than ever before and much less fiddly. It's also by far the funniest game ever with jokes every-fukin-where [COKO' POPS anyone? "Start every day with Cok in your mouth" another nice touch is events that happen in the game sometimes get talked about on radio stations later on in news and stuff, oh and the music by the way...There are like 100's quality tunes in here ranging from Depeche Mode [Personal Jesus], Jane's Addiction [Been Caught Stealing] to Public Enemy [Rebel Without A Pause] and 2 Pac [I Don't Give A Fuck]. I could and probably should go on talking about this game for years to come, but will actually stop now so I can get back to the game of all games. No two gamers experiences of this game will be the same, there are endless ways of completing missions and objectives, with a million and two things on the side [Be a cop,fire-fighter, Taxi-Man, Valet, 2 player mini games, buy real-estate, get a girlfriend]. Also to note: No two gamers CJ [your character] will be the same [clothes, hair styles, tattoos, weight, amount of respect, weapon and driving skills].
So forget about everything else you got going on right now [work, friends, girls] this is your new life, or not it's just a game. 10/10 is the score, the only disconcerting thing is where the fuck do we go from here? Is there anything games can't do? Yes, but that's what the next Grand Theft Auto to appear on PS3 is for.

Phishing La Vida Loca

A Link about Phishing, which is far more interesting than any link ever about Fishing, arf.

If interested here's another link about something Phishy eBay users may have encountered.

Coldplay

According to The Sun:

Coldplay are going back to school — playing at tiny university venues next year.

"Chris Martin & Co want to try out material from their new album on small audiences.
They are planning gigs in London, Liverpool and Scotland next March in halls which hold no more than 1,000 people."

-So, the new album is some way off for sure, and what if the reaction from these gigs is poor? Will they scrap the new material and start over like Oasis did earlier this year or go ahead with it anyway? Only time will tell.

Hydrowhatthefuck

So, it's just over two weeks now that I have been taking Hydrocortone tablets that my flailing adrenal glands can't be bothered to produce and in some ways I am feeling their affect and in other ways I really aren't at all. I am definitely eating more, 4 hot-dogs in the space of 10 minutes the other night speaks for itself. But I don't really look much different or have even noticeably put on weight. I still feel pretty tired despite not really doing that much which is slightly poor, however I still have to be treated for something else which should give me more energy. I have got to go see Doctor Jennings this Wednesday for more information, so I will let you know what happens...Or not, it is like my life and not some kind of drama you perverse freaks!